Rachel's Baby
by Dido
Summary: The beginning of life this time.


Rachel's Baby ****

Rachel's Baby

The doctors had all left and Rachel was alone. The tiny new-born baby was asleep in his cot by her hospital bed. They had assumed that she would want to be left with her son. But he was just part of the nightmare, making demands on her body that she did not want to meet. Just to sleep, to forget the pain and sleep.

But the baby cried. A terrible sound that she couldn't ignore. She listened for a while hoping that someone would come to take him away, but they would expect her to see to it, they might even be unable to hear.

Rachel sat up gingerly in bed using her arms to pull herself up, sitting to one side to avoid the part that was so sore. She could never have imagined that she could feel so bad. She did not even have the energy to leave the bed so she twisted and pulled the child precariously into the bed from his cot. Hunger, the crying must be because he was hungry. She put him against her breast but his mouth seemed too small and a struggle started with the baby not knowing how to stop the pain in his belly and Rachel not knowing how to feed him.

When he did latch on the pain was almost more than she could stand. But at least the crying stopped. The baby was not on properly, she should adjust him but if she took the baby off she may not get him back on again so she gritted her teeth until the baby, still not satisfied, lost the nipple anyway and screamed once more. Tears pricked in Rachel's eyes. 

Ross entered and she appealed to him. "I just want to sleep - please take him and let me sleep." As soon as she said it she worried that it made her sound like a freak - a bad mother who didn't want her child. 

But Ross just stroked her hair and reassured her gently. "It's OK Rachel. You're just exhausted. You'll feel better later. I'll get a bottle - you sleep." 

Rachel felt a wave of complete relief at his compassion and collapsed back into bed, falling instantly asleep. Ross watched her for a while then stared down at his new-born son. It was so different to how it had been with Ben. He did not have to fight to be the father of this little boy.

Rachel did not wake again until nearly mid-day. The winter sun was streaming through the drapes and the baby was crying again. Rachel carefully picked him up. The small slate gray eyes managed with great difficulty to open. Then with even greater difficulty, to focus on his mother. There was an intense and serious look of curiosity on his tiny red face, giving him a sterness that he would soon lose not to be regained until adulthood.

Rachel examined the tiny clenched hands and feet. His face suddenly screwed and all his limbs pulled inwards, then he kicked and flung out his arms with a yell as he remembered the pain in his tummy. Held close to her he instinctively began to search, tiny mouth open and rooting for her.

Rachel took him back to her bed and sat down carefully, one leg strategically bent underneath her to keep the weight off the area that was sore. Expecting pain she braced herself as he latched onto her. But this time they were both more relaxed. All the time he fed she stared down at him in wonder, his tiny mouth working hard, the bottom jaw sucking quickly then slowing down.

After a short while he seemed to sense the woman looking at him and he pulled his head slowly away to try to focus again on the strange pools of light that shone down on him, glistening more than ever, with small drops of light falling from them. His brows drew together in stem concentration at the effort of focusing. Then he remembered the more pressing need and rooted again to find the one pleasure that he had so far discovered in life. Rachel wiped her tears and grinned stupidly down at her creation. Just for the moment there was no-one else in the world but her and her child. She bent down to kiss the soft head with its tuft of black hair and took in the sweet distinctive smell of the new-born.

She did not notice Ross coming back from the hospital canteen. Watching in awe the madonna like picture before him he felt love in a more intense form than ever before. Rachel became aware of his presence and looked up and smiled. Ross did not want to break the peaceful scene so he quietly sat down next to her and kissed the top of her head in the same way that she had kissed the baby.

The tranquillity was not broken until the child's stomach had filled to resemble a large ball and well satisfied he broke away from his mother. Rachel sat him up on her lap and the little head wobbled drunkenly on it delicate stork as she rubbed his back. A huge belch was followed by milk dribbling down his tiny pink chin. The baby's eyes widened in surprise at the noise.

Ross smiled. "That rather destroyed the image. Are you feeling better?" 

Rachel nodded."I was just so tired. I have never felt so tired."

"You had a rough time. It will be a few days before the doctors let you home."

"They told me."

"Are you sure you're OK with calling him Jack?"

"Yeah. I like the name and your Dad will love me forever even if you don't"

"Oh I will. I always have." Ross said seriously and looked down at his son. "Do you think my Dad ever looked like him?"

Rachel stared at the wrinkled face, the tuft of hair and the bare gums. "He still does."

………..

Rachel and Jack Geller left hospital a week later for the formal examination by all the friends. They passed him from one to the other admiring the tiny speck of humanity that had just joined them. Jack slept through most of this ordeal. He opened one beady eye when Chandler pretended to nearly drop him (although remembering Chandler's form Rachel was not sure he was pretending). Rachel held her breath and waited for Jack to wail in protest but he decided he was too sleepy to complain much.

There was one strange woman who held onto him and cooed at him longer than the rest. She grinned down at him as if he had done something special. Well if she could smile so could he. The effect of his matching facial contortions was more faces, both familiar and strange, peering down at him, all showing their teeth and he found that the more that he smiled the more they copied him.

"He is so cute!" Monica exclaimed and Chandler inwardly groaned realizing that Monica would be broody again.

"It must be wind." Chandler said. "Babies don't smile at seven days old".

"That's not wind!" Monica scolded him holding on tightly to her new nephew.

"What's he got to smile about?" Chandler asked.

Joey stared at Chandler as if he was stupid. "He spends most of the day sucking on Rachel's nipples. Wouldn't you be happy?"

Chandler nodded in agreement. Monica frowned at her husband. 

Rachel took her baby back proudly. "It is early. Was Ben early too?" She asked Ross.

"Yeah - Ben smiled at 8 days - which is about five weeks too early. But it happens".

The baby frowned at the noise of all the voices. It was all too much. He yawned and settled back down to sleep in the more familiar smell of his mother's arms. Dinner just a short stretch away. 


End file.
